All Out Of Love
by CaptainBrieOnToast
Summary: "No I don't want to hear it Cas. We ended it remember? And we ended it for a reason." Castiel felt tears fall from his eyes, as he turned his head from Dean. But he deserved this. It was his fault they were in this situation at all. Dean had every right to be angry. Destiel one shot. Sort of a song fic.


**Author's Note:**

I suggest listening to All Out Of Love by Air Supply when reading this, since I couldn't put the actual lyrics in it so... Yeah..

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><p>Castiel paced in his room, not sure what to do. Dean and him had broken up a month ago. He should be over Dean. He should be over the emerald green eyes, and gruff face dotted with a million freckles. He shouldn't wake up every morning listening to Asia just because it reminded him of Dean. Castiel shouldn't wish that he could feel Dean's arms wrap around his waist while he cooked pie again. He shouldn't yearn for Dean to call him Cas at least one more time, or to hear him introduce him as 'Castiel or Cas which is easier. He is an angel.' to everyone they met.<p>

Castiel wished they had never had that fight. He wished he had told Dean about his previous boyfriend, Crowley sooner. He wished he had let Dean know that Crowley was still hurting him. He wished that he could take back every word he had uttered in that conversation. He wished that he had trusted Dean with that secret more. Instead Dean found out by walking in on Castiel crying and bleeding on the floor in his own apartment. Castiel had honestly tried to tell Dean about it, and it wasn't that he hadn't trusted Dean with his life. He always had trusted Dean with his life. But Dean had been hurt by the lack of information, and so they fought, and broke up.

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><p>Castiel should be over Dean. Anna had said he would be over him by now. But he wasn't. He missed Dean, and even if he couldn't get Dean back, he wanted to at least explain himself. You never truly explain yourself in an argument.<p>

"Castiel. I'm going out. Don't do anything... Stupid," Crowley growled, standing near the door of his apartment. After Dean and Castiel had split apart, Castiel had promptly run back to the only thing he was certain about in life. Crowley. Crowley had always been there, even if he had always hurt Castiel, he was the only thing that Castiel knew. Castiel only knew pain.

"O-Okay," Castiel stuttered, burying his head in his trench coat. When he had been with Dean, Dean had given him a lot of things. But the two things that Castiel had some how managed to keep despite Crowley's iron fist was the trench coat and the ACDC shirt Dean had given him.

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><p>Breathing in deeply Castiel pulled out his phone, dialing Dean's phone number. He still remembered it. He would always remember it. The phone rang for a long time, but no one answered the call. Castiel sighed, hanging up the phone. Leaving a message wouldn't do. He needed to see Dean. He needed to touch him one more time. He had to explain to himself. So he dialed a different phone number. Sam's. Sam had promised once upon a time that he would always be there for Castiel when he needed him, and right now Castiel need him. Sam answered on the first ring.<p>

"Cas?" His voice came through the phone loud, clear and surprised. But there was also a hint of relief to his tone of voice

"Hello Sam."

"Cas? Oh my god Castiel I haven't heard from you for an entire month. Dean wouldn't tell me anything. He has been miserable for this entire month. He's been at clubs drinking too much, and he sleeps with every woman who so much glances at him. Cas. He is miserable," Sam said in one breath making Castiel flinch.

"I-It's my fault," he breathed. "I-I have to fix things. Please Sam. Will you tell me where he is?"

"The bar on 2nd."

"Thank you Sam. I promise to fix this," Castiel breathed and then hung up the phone. Before gathering himself and racing to the door. He had to get to that bar.

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><p>At first Castiel couldn't find Dean. He didn't see him anywhere in the bar. There were all kinds of people, but no Dean. He finally found Dean making out with a girl against the brick wall outside the bar in the alleyway. Castiel didn't even hesitate, he walked up to the couple, pealing the girl off of Dean.<p>

"Sorry. This guy is taken," he muttered. The girl didn't hesitate when leaving, and when Castiel finally met Dean's eyes, he regretted the decision of even going after Dean.

"Cas?" Dean asked, his green eyes flooding with hurt and regret.

"Dean I-" Castiel started, his own eyes flooding with unshed tears. But Dean didn't seem to want to hear any sort of apology. Instead he slammed Castiel against the wall, his left arm holding him in place.

"No I don't want to hear it Cas. We ended it remember? And we ended it for a reason."

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><p>Castiel felt tears fall from his eyes, as he turned his head from Dean. But he deserved this. He didn't have the right to turn his head as if he didn't deserve this. So instead Castiel turned his head back to face Dean, slowly raising his eyes to Dean's. He deserved whatever it was he was about to receive. Dean noticed this change in mood, and his eyes grew watery.<p>

"No. Don't do that. This isn't my fault. This is your fault, because you couldn't trust me," he said, shaking his head and then dropping it slightly.

"I-I know Dean. I never meant to hurt you," Castiel said, trying not to let his voice quiver too much. It quivered anyway. His voice still betrayed him, showing his weakness. "It was always my fault." Dean's head dropped again, and he shoved hard against Castiel, turning away from the wall and rubbing his face.

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><p>"Why are you here Cas?" He finally asked, turning to look at Castiel.<p>

"I-I missed you," he muttered. "And I wanted to make things right. I wanted to apologize. If I hadn't been so stupid and careless. We might..." He trailed off, not sure what else to say. Dean looked over at him, and Castiel could tell just from glancing at his face that Dean was heartbroken. He looked about to say something when his eyes fell on Castiel's trench coat and shirt.

"You kept the stuff I gave you?" He asked very slowly. Castiel looked away slightly embarrassed.

"I couldn't get rid of it. I-I didn't want to ever forget you," Dean gave Castiel a sad look, and went over to him pulling him into a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have left you," Dean said suddenly. His breath warming Castiel's ear. Castiel melted into the touch. He had hoped Dean would forgive him. He had never even imagined that Dean would hug him, and he had not realized how much he missed this. He thought he had known how much he missed it. He was wrong. He missed it more than a dead person missed life. Dean seemed to have missed it too, because his tight grip didn't loosen. In fact he held onto him tighter, as if Castiel would disappear.

Only one person could ruin this moment, and that person did.

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><p>"Castiel?" Castiel pulled away from Dean in horror. Crowley. He turned to stare at the tall black-haired man, trying to hide his horror. Crowley didn't know much about Dean. All he knew was that Castiel had an ex boyfriend before he went back to Crowley. But Castiel could see Crowley putting the pieces of the puzzle together. Dean however, didn't know what was going on. "What are you doing out of the apartment?" Castiel gulped.<p>

"I-I-I.. I-I-" Castiel stuttered. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to say. He wasn't sure if he could say anything. The shock was over whelming.

"Get over here right now," Crowley snapped. Castiel glanced down at his feet, instinctively taking a step towards Crowley. But he stopped himself, looking over at Dean.

"C-Can we try again? I-I miss us," Castiel asked, too soft for anyone but Dean to hear. Dean gave him a look.

"I miss us too." Castiel sighed.

"No Crowley. I-I'm done with you," Castiel said. Crowley stepped forward on anger.

"We aren't done until I say we are down, Castiel." Crowley growled. "Do you understand me you little bitch." Castiel flinched.

"I-I don't want to be hurt anymore. I don't have to be hurt all the time. Dean taught me that," Castiel replied, glancing at Dean. Because it was true. I t seemed like the only times that Dean was hurt was that time Castiel hurt him. Besides that he seemed to be a happy guy, with a loving brother, and mom and dad, and sister-in-law. Dean wasn't hurt in life, and the only time that Dean had ever been happy was when he was with everyone's surprise Crowley grunted, shrugging his shoulders.

"Whatever. You weren't any fun anymore anyways. There was no way to break you anymore. You were too broken," and with those words, Crowley left.

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><p>"He's the one who hurt you," Dean stated, the minute Crowley was gone. Castiel nodded slowly, and Dean stepped forward lightly gripping his shoulders. "Then why did you go back to him?" Castiel looked away in embarrassment.<p>

"I-I didn't know anything else. I've been with Crowley ever since I was in kindergarten. I neer knew it was wrong, all I knew was him. Then he moved away, and you came, and you taught me how to live. Then Naomi started picking on me. She took pictures of me with you and threatened to show Crowley, because Crowley made me promise to wait for him. She hurt me like he hurt me, and then one day I retaliated, tried to stop it. The day before we broke up. Then Crowley came back, and well. You walked in on what happened," Castiel gasped, relieved to have finally told someone that. It had weighed on him forever. "When you left me. I went to him." Dean looked over at Castiel, eyes watery as he pulled Castiel into a tight hug.

"I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," Dean said.

"It was my fault. I should have told you. I tried to tell you. I just didn't want you to get stuck in all of it too. You were so happy. I didn't want to make you made, or disappoint you," Castiel said, a small sob escaping his lips. "I did it all for you." The last thing was a whisper on his ips, but of course Dean heard.

"Never keep anything like that from me again Cas," Dean said. "No more secrets." Tears spilled from Castiel's eyes again and he nodded feverently. Dean didn't seem like the sweet kind, he didn't act like the kind of person who would risk his life for someone. But Dean was exactly that person, even though he had that whole 'No Chick Flick Moments' rule.

"No more secrets. Never again." And with those words Castiel buried his head into Dean's shoulder and cried.

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><p>Dean took Castiel back to his place. Sam and Jess were there, they all hugged Castiel and cleaned his wounds. They fed him properly, and then Dean and Castiel fell asleep together. Castiel curled in a ball on the opposite side of the bed at first but Dean pulled him close after five minutes of him being as far away from Dean as possible. Castiel melted under the touch again, curling up against Dean's chest. Dean held Castiel the rest of the night, and every night after that for the next two months.<p>

They took their relationship slowly. Two broken hearts are not easy to mend. But they still managed. Sure there were further bumps in the road, but they got through those better than they did their first argument.

They even got Crowley arrested for what he did to Castiel, and some days Dean would run his fingers over the scars on Castiel's skin. He counted each and every one of the scars so that as Castiel healed, the two's relationship did too.

"If we ever break up again. Like we did last time. I won't have anything," Castiel said one day. "You are all I have left Dean."

"I will never let you go Cas," Dean said. "Your my angel. And I will never let you go again."

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><p><strong>Author's Note:<strong>

Uh. I hope this is acceptable.

*Hides under a boulder*  
>And I don't own Supernatural or anything.<p>

Destiel... Yay...!


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